Invisible Scars

     

     I recently had the opportunity to visit Reece Museum, an art museum on East Tennessee State University’s campus. I had never been to a museum or gallery such as this one, and I was not really sure what to expect. Art was always one of my favorite subjects in school, even though I was not the greatest at it, and I was excited to see what students and artists from around the area had put together. Even so, I was a little worried that I would be bored and would not find anything that I could really connect with and I knew that I should be spending my time studying for the two tests I had coming up. After walking through each exhibit twice, speaking directly with and being given a small walk through by the manager of the museum, taking several pictures, and eventually leaving an hour and 45 minutes later, I realized I that the idea of being bored in a place like that was ridiculous.

     There were several pieces that I found very interesting, however there was one, the one pictured above, that stuck out to me so much more than any of the others. This piece was title “It Weighs Heavily Still…” and was created by Jeanne Brady. This piece had won “Best in Show” for the exhibition that had been hosted there not long before my visit and was a favorite of many museum visitors. When looking at the picture, it is obvious to see the shear fabric and the words written on it. There are several phrases and words that can be found on this piece including: “You are selfish, stupid, a loser, trouble…” “You were a mistake,” “What if I fail?” “You are hopeless.” “You are bothering me.” “I am sick and tired of my body.” The manager of Reece Museum told us that the artist was trying to portray phrases and words that children have heard at one point or another that may seem insignificant, but stick with them throughout the years and replay over and over in their minds. When regarding this piece, I felt like it applied to more than just children. People can be so hateful and say things without realizing the effect it has on someone else. You always hear the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” I do not believe that is true. Harsh words pointed at someone can hurt just as much, if not more than actions. Everyone has said something to another that they regret, and everyone has been told something about themselves that they wish they could just forget. These words are like knives to the soul. They carve themselves in and leave scars that no one else can see, but cause just as much pain. Pieces such as this one remind viewers to watch what they say, you never know who may be listening, and you never know what your words will mean to someone else, especially when children are involved.

     After visiting this museum, I will definitely be coming back, and I am genuinely excited to see how the exhibits change throughout the next few years. Connecting with art can really make people see things that mirror their own lives, and the work can help to portray lessons about society in a creative, yet effective way.

Music

     I have always loved music! I grew up dancing beginning at the age of 3 and have taken/taught classes including ballet, jazz, tap, clogging, lyrical, hip hop, tumbling, gymnastics, etc. Therefore, I have been exposed to many different styles of music throughout my life and have fallen in love with different aspects of every genre. From classical Bach/Beethoven and Broadway musicals such as “Newsies” to gospel artists like Chris Tomlin, country groups like Rascal Flatts, and pop/contemporary artists like Sam Smith, I have heard it all. Music, for me, is a release. It has a way of taking over your mind and your heart and pushing everything else out. No matter what is going on in my life, and no matter how stressed out I am, I can turn on music and start dancing and all my worries leave, at least for the duration of the song. Music has a way of shaping people and situations, and bringing others closer together. Music holds so much power, one must just learn how to harness it.

     Since I have come to college, I have not had the chance to dance as much or partake in musical activities in a while, at least not to the extent that I used to. I had not even thought about musical events on campus, that is until another student from honors invited us to come and watch him perform in a Trombone Ensemble. I had several friends in the band in high school and I was very interested in watching the group perform. Several honors students attended the performance. The group performed beautifully and everyone in the audience seemed to thoroughly enjoy themselves. It was obvious how hard the group had worked to prepare for this performance. The group seemed so invested in their music and the conductor truly seemed to put forth his heart in the pieces he had composed. It was a fantastic performance. Also, at the very end, a brass band from campus performed.

Overall, the performances were very successful and everyone in attendance seemed to enjoy themselves. Now knowing what these ensembles consist of, I will definitely try to attend more throughout next semester and throughout the next few years. Having the opportunity to attend these musical performances on campus is something that many people either do not know they have, or do not take advantage of. Music adds so much to one’s character and being able to expose yourself to as many genres as possible is something that I find extremely important. Also, these ensembles are a nice treat to get you away from your projects, tests, and homework and allow you to enjoy the beauty of music. And, being able to support a friend who has worked so hard to prepare for an event like this makes the time even more well-spent.

Where Am I Going?

     As a college student, I have been asked this question, in one fashion or another, more times than I can count. When I was little, I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I was in high school, I was asked which college I was going to go to. Now that I am in college, everyone wants to know what my major is, what job I plan to get with that major, and how much money I will make in that profession.

It can be very scary planning out your entire life as an 18-year-old. Even so, I feel that after thinking through my options for many years, I have a pretty good idea about what I want to do with the rest of my life. When I sit down and visualize where I want to see myself in 20 years, I do not know all the specifics, but I at least have a rough sketch. I see myself waking up every day to the person I love so much it hurts. I see myself having a large family and our days being filled with love and joy. I see myself going to the job I love, and I see myself being genuinely excited to work. I see myself spending time with my family and just enjoying every second that God gives us. I see myself being happy. No matter what physical means I accomplish in my short life, I will be successful if I am happy and if my life glorifies God.

At this point in my life, as stated before, I do not know all the specifics that my future holds, however, I do have some goals that I am working towards. I have wanted to be many things: an architect, a ballerina, a marine biologist, a lawyer, etc. Even so, there was only one profession that I could ever actually see myself doing. I have always loved helping people, especially children. I have been a dance instructor since the age of 14 for children ages 3-16, and that has taught me how much I love working with kids. They are the most genuine people you will ever work with and they just have a certain way of making any day better. I have also grown up in a medically oriented family. My mom was an emergency/cardiac/flight nurse for several years and is currently working as a family nurse practitioner. I grew up listening to her stories and sitting in awe of everything she got to do on a daily basis. My dad was a paramedic and firefighter. Also, my uncle was a volunteer firefighter and currently works in the lab at Bristol Regional Medical Center. Recently, I was also able to shadow a Cardiologist and Interventionalist at Bristol Regional Medical Center. Overall, I have been lucky enough to see several sides of the medical profession throughout my childhood. This has taught me that I want to help people, and the way that I feel that I am best equipped and have the most passion for doing so, is through medicine. Right now, I hope to be a Pediatric Cardiothoracic Surgeon. The specificity of the exact job I want to do may change, but I am fairly certain that the medical field is the place I see myself after I finish school. That is the direction that God has lead my heart thus far, and if He decides to open my eyes to another profession that He feels I will do the most good in, then I am very open to other options, however, right now, I feel that medicine and working with children is the track I am supposed to be on.

As stated before, no plans are set in stone, and I know that at any moment I might discover that God has another plan for my life, but I feel that I have a pretty good picture of my life later on. I know that no matter what, as long as I allow God to light my path and lead me in the direction He wants me to go, then I will never be lost. There is a quote by Ralph Abernathy that I feel applies directly to the theme of this post, “I may not know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.” Whenever something is too stressful or does not seem to make sense at the time, I try to remember this quote because no matter what my plans are, God’s are so much greater and He knows what my tomorrow looks like. He knows who I am supposed to be. All I have to do is trust in the Lord and follow Him, and in that I know my future is secured. 

Volunteering: Fur Babies

     Helping others has always been a passion of mine, and it is a big part of why I want to become a doctor in the future. I grew up in a family that believed that as long as you are helping someone else, you can never be broke. Showing God’s love and grace to others is the reason that we were put on this earth, and I fully intend to use my life to glorify Him and witness to others through service. For me, this ideal encompasses more than just working with people. That is why for this first semester, I decided to spend my volunteer time at the local animal shelter.

I spent time there working with the animals and the others on staff there. I was able to walk the dogs, play with cats, care for them, etc. Having the opportunity to witness their attitudes completely change after being shown love was eye opening. There are so many animals that are taken to animal shelters everyday simply because the owners could not care for them properly or because they became too big for the owner to handle. Everyone wants a puppy and when they grow and lose their puppy-like ways, many times they end up in an animal shelter to stay in a cage and long for someone to want to take care of them again. Seeing how many animals are there without a family absolutely breaks my heart. From the sad, forlorn faces that brighten up the moment you pay the slightest bit of attention to them, to the quiet ones who sit in the back of their cage and do not even try to catch your attention, the pain behind their forever loving eyes is always so evident. They are like people; they just want to be loved.

I feel so blessed that I was able to spend my time with them and show them compassion and care, even if it was just for a little while, and I will definitely be going back every chance I can. Volunteering at the animal shelter has taught me so much, and I feel that I can now see how important it is to protect animals. There are so many animals that are being over-bred so that the breeders can make money from the babies, and that is putting more and more in the shelters. My hope is that by bringing awareness to and working with shelter animals, more people will choose adoption over purchasing. I would adopt every single one of them if I could, and I want to continue doing everything I can to help them find their forever families. 

Ashley Judd

     A few weeks ago, ETSU hosted the actress and inspirational speaker Ashley Judd as she spoke about her childhood, the effects that her past has had on her mental health, and how she thinks we can all work together to ensure that the stigma surrounding mental illness, stops now.

     Growing up, Ashley Judd was one of my favorite actresses to watch. From Home is Where the Heart Is and Double Jeopardy, to her new appearances in the Divergent series, I have seen almost every one of her films. Therefore, I was so excited to find out that she was coming to speak at my University, and I made sure to arrive early to get a good seat. Many times, when hearing about celebrities, we are told that they are so much different in person than what you would expect after seeing them on television. We hear about how cold and rude they are to their fans, and how so many people do not even like working with them because they feel that they are so much better than everyone else. This, however, was not the case when Ashley Judd walked into the auditorium. She was so friendly and personable to everyone in attendance. She even hugged a member of the audience before taking her place on the stage. Even as she began speaking, she made sure that we were all engaged in this ongoing conversation that she was having. She asked the audience questions and made jokes. She truly wanted to make sure that we were getting something out of her being there.

     The main purpose for the event was for her to talk about her mental illness, and how it is ok to ask for help and take it when it is given. More importantly, she wanted to talk about the stigma behind mental illness and try to take away any misconceptions that may be clouding the visions of those who are, or know someone who is, affected by a mental illness. There are so many opportunities for people with physical illnesses to get help, but sadly this is not the case when it comes to mental illnesses. Many times, people with mental illnesses, including but not limited to depression, anxiety, stress disorders, eating disorders, etc., are told they are “crazy” or are not believed when they try to reach out to others. Sometimes, they do not even reach out at all for fear of what may be thought about them if they admitted they needed help. The point of this series that this talk was a part of is to bring awareness to mental illnesses and teach others how to broach the topic of mental illness in the hopes of showing that it is not something to be scared of, but rather something that is quite common and is nothing to be ashamed of.

     From an outsider’s point of view, it is easy to assume that celebrities live these wonderful lives where they never get hurt and never have to suffer the pains that “normal” people face. Especially when they come from such a famous and prominent family such as the Judd family. However, Ashley Judd spoke specifically about her childhood, and how she was neglected by her parents, and was sexually assaulted, and how so many people knew what was going on and did absolutely nothing about it. She talked about how her childhood nightmares manifested themselves into depression and anxiety as she became older, and how she was asked to stay at a rehabilitation facility in Texas after visiting her sister there because the people who ran it saw the pain inside her and wanted to help her overcome it. She described how much being in this safe place helped her to come to terms with what she had gone through and taught her how to cope with the anger she felt inside. She proceeded to give tips to the audience for how to calm themselves if they felt anxiety or anger beginning to take over. All in all, she wanted to make everyone who has ever been afflicted by mental illness know that they are not alone.

     College is a very stressful time and mental illness is more prominent at this period in most people’s lives than at any other. Students are on their own for the very first time and they do not know how to cope with everything they are feeling by themselves. Being able to hear someone like Ashley Judd speak, someone that so many people look up to and respect and who has made something of her life even when so much seemed to be against her, is an absolute honor. She is no longer afraid of where she comes from and what has happened to her, and she is not embarrassed to talk about it. With everything she said she wanted to convey her empathy with anything that could be going on in the lives of the audience because she understands what feeling alone and vulnerable can feel like.

     Overall, she, along with everyone who took part in the event, helped me to see how common mental illnesses are and how I can help those around me receive the aid they need in their most desperate times. HHHaving the opportunity to hear her speak was absolutely amazing and I would love to sit in on another one of her events.

Values: Personal Mission Statement

     Everyone has values, or a list of qualities that they want to embody in their everyday lives. Some of the most common ones are integrity, intelligence, compassion, love, success, etc. As we have recently discussed in my Colloquium class, even though one person can associate many different values with their person, an individual usually has about two or three that they put above all of the others.

     At the beginning of class, we were asked to name as many values as we could, and as a class, we compiled a list of approximately 32 values, including the ones listed above. We then had to pick 8 of those that we felt best described what we strive for. That list was then narrowed down to 4, and eventually to 2, which we called our core values. At first, this exercise was extremely hard, trying to decide which ones we were going to X out. It was difficult until I realized that all of my main, core values could be encompassed by one.

Above everything else, is the value I put in my faith and my ever strengthening relationship with God. All of the others that I was so stressed about having to cross out, either seem so small next to my faith, or are values that, I personally feel, play hand in hand with my faith. For example, the other core value I chose was happiness/purpose. The only way that I can receive true happiness is knowing that everything happens for a reason, and that I am part of something so much bigger than myself. No matter what I am going through, good or bad, I know that I am loved by God. He is so much bigger than I, or anyone else, could ever fathom and the idea that He knows me and has created me for a specific purpose, makes everything else seem trivial. My life means something, and happiness doesn’t even begin to describe the excitement I feel to be part of His plan.

I also felt that love (in every aspect: relationships, family, etc.) could also be included in my faith. I am able to love others because I have accepted the love that God has given me. Because of Him, and because of who I am in Him, I want to show others his unconditional love. I want to always see the best in others, even when it is hard to find, and I want to be able to connect with people and forge relationships with others where I can share my faith and open their eyes to my world in Christ.

With this in mind, our professor asked us to write a personal mission statement using the core values that we selected. The mission statement that I have written for myself is as follows:

“My mission is to live a happy, purposeful life that is based on enduring faith, where I show kindness and love to those around me and glorify God with every aspect of my being.”

All in all, I feel that the value I put in my faith is the most important part of me. I want to be a symbol for God every day, and I want to have the courage to share my love for Him with others. I want to put my full trust in Him and know that wherever He decides to lead me is good. I want others to see the many miracles that happen every day. I want others to experience the same peace and comfort that I do, knowing that no matter what, God is with me. As one if my favorite quotes says, I want to embody the idea that “my life as a Christian should make nonbelievers question their disbelief in God.”

L-O-V-E

     Today I witnessed something that restored a little bit of my faith in humanity. Outside the Sherrod library at East Tennessee State University, there was a “Black Lives Matter” demonstration. This may not seem out of the ordinary, especially considering the large amounts of protests that have been broadcasted on a national scale as of late, but this protest was different.

I will begin with a little bit of a background information. Yesterday, during a “Black Lives Matter” demonstration much like this one, a young male student had the audacity to wear a gorilla mask, dangle bananas in front of the small group of protesters, and make obscene remarks and gestures towards them. These protesters did nothing to give him reason to do the things he did. They were simply standing in a circle around the fountain with signs that said “Black Lives Matter”. It was a silent protest, they were simply standing up for what they believe is right and they were doing so in an extremely peaceful manner. I, personally, cannot understand why someone would feel the need to put forth so much hate on another group of people, especially when they have done nothing to warrant such behavior. The hateful student was taken away and has been charged, however, that does not erase the hurt his actions brought upon others. It was decided that there would be another protest today at the same time and in the same place. And this is where the story takes an amazing turn.

As I was walking back from my early morning class, I noticed a substantial number of people grouped together in front of the library. The small group from the day before had quadrupled in size. There were students and faculty from every race and gender linked arm and arm holding signs. These signs said things like “Black Lives Matter ≠ All Lives Don’t,” “Spread Love,” “Be Love,” and “Is her life more important than mine?”. There was also a large sign that said, “We Can Overcome.” Others were holding mirrors, and several clubs from around campus were holding signs that said “This Club Stands with Black Lives Matter.” No one was being offensive or hateful. Everyone was just showing support and love to fellow students and faculty. There were no racial boundaries, and no words of hate. It was beautiful.

With all of the bad publicity regarding the “Black Lives Matter” movement, I think that instances such as this should be shared on a wider scale. No one is born with prejudices, it is learned, and the only way to stop it is if groups of brave people stand up for what is right, like they did today. Especially with all of the violence that has transpired in places such as Charlotte recently, I think that people, in general, need to be reminded what truly started this movement to begin with and what it truly means to support it. Unfortunately, there are bad people out there, and they can be found in every size, shape, age, race, and gender. However, fighting violence with violence gets us nowhere, especially not any closer to a solution. Every person was created in God’s image exactly how He wants them to be, and He does not make mistakes. Everyone has a purpose and a place on this earth and no one has the right to take away anyone else’s right to a happy and healthy life. No matter where we come from or what we look like, we are still people.

In conclusion, what I am trying to say is that if we want things to change, we cannot just stand back and watch anymore. Protests like the one today are perfect examples of how different people can peacefully unite to create a better future. Today I am so very proud to be an ETSU Buccaneer.

Romans 13:10 “Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.”

Potluck

College is a time for big changes, and for many, you are leaving behind friends, family, and everything you knew as familiar. Stress happens to everyone and if you feel like you are alone, it can make the stressful situation seem even more taxing, therefore, I think that finding a group of like-minded people that you can connect with on more than just a cordial level is imperative for your success throughout school, and especially your overall happiness.

     For me personally, I have been lucky enough to become a member of the University Honors Scholars at ETSU. This group of people have become more than just friends; we have become a little family on campus. This is not just through my own designated class, but also with those who have come before us. We, as a whole, have created a sort of support system, that I think many of us were not sure we would find on a medium-larger size campus such as ETSU. We realize that we are all in the same boat and can rely on one another. Knowing that there are others who feel the same way you do, takes away some of the ever-present stress.

     Within the Honors College there are several opportunities, and even classes where all three sections (University Honors, Midway Honors, and Fine and Performing Arts Honors) can come together. For example, for our Colloquium class, we recently had a potluck picnic. It brought all sections of honors and all honors generations together to enjoy good food and good company. Each group brought a different food item. There was everything from pizza, macaroni salad, and quesadillas to brownies, cookies, and cheesecake. The large variety of foods, in a way, mimicked our all being there together. We have come from different places and from different walks of life, however we all fit together. For example, the picture above is of myself, my “Big” Hannah, and my “Grand-big” Lindsey. We decided to take a “generation picture” while at the potluck. These girls have become like older sisters to me through Honors, and are always able to help me out and answer my questions when I need them.

     All in all, without this wonderfully mismatched group of people, I would be lost. I could not imagine starting this new journey in my life without all of them and the amazing “potluck” we create.

What I Brought From Home

    Packing for and moving into a college dorm for the first time can be stressful. You feel overcome by new surroundings, new people, and new responsibilities. Even in the days preceding your first class, you are already stressed out about getting books/supplies, financial aid, and finding your way around campus. Every aspect seems to be so different from anything you have been exposed to in the past. This is the first time that you are stepping out on your own, away from many people that you have seen and talked to on a daily basis for most of your life, and it can be hard to cope with all of the excitement, fear, and nervousness that accompanies the start of this new adventure on your own.

     So how does one cope with these new found circumstances you may ask? Of course getting involved in groups and organizations on campus helps, along with initiating conversations and forming friendships with others in your classes and residence halls. However, one of the best ways for most to manage all of the “newness” is to remember where you came from and hold onto something from back home. Everyone has that one item, whether it be a physical object or a relationship/quality from back home, that they could not let themselves forget to bring. In my case, I brought pictures.

     I have always loved taking pictures. To me, they are a way of freezing that one specific moment in a way that you can keep with you forever. Most of the pictures that I brought with me are of my family, or times that I have spent with them. There are pictures of my great-grandparents who have all now passed away. There are pictures of my grandmother and grandfather from when they first got married almost 50 years ago. There are pictures of me and my crazy cousins making silly faces and playing with each other on the trampoline in my uncle’s backyard. There are pictures of my uncle and aunt from when they had just started dating in high school, and from every Christmas Eve when my uncle reads us the Nativity story from the Bible. There are pictures of my little brother with his sneaky, popsicle grins and our random “selfies” in the car. There are pictures of my mom and I from a picture booth at the mall when I was really little with the caption “Best Friends” written underneath. There are too many pictures to count and each hold a special place in my heart.

Out of all of these pictures, there are a few that I always look at when I need a pick me up, or a reminder of home. There is a picture of my mom and I sitting on the couch after school and work one day. We are both smiling and hugging each other. My mom is my best friend, and when I look at that picture, it reminds that no matter what, I always have someone in my corner. Even when I feel completely alone and am crying and stressed, I know that she loves me and is proud of what I am doing and supports me in all of my endeavors.

     There is also a specific picture of me and some of the little girls that I teach in dance classes back home. There ages range from about 5 to 8. They are all smiling and posing in their costumes before a performance. I look at that picture when I feel like I can’t do something, or when I am too worried about everything that I have to get done. It reminds me that I have little girls who look up to me, and want to be just like me someday. The picture is a sort of inspiration for me to be the best that I can be and make them proud. It reminds me to work every day so that I can be the role model that I want them to have.

     All in all, I have realized that in order to move forward into this new journey that we have just begun, we must remember where we come from and all of the people that have loved us and supported us and made us want to be the best that we can be. It also shows me that no matter where I am, and no matter what I do, I will always have a little bit of home to carry with me.